Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Weirdo Magnet

I've lived in the same small Ohio town my entire life other than the two years I was at college. Population: 800 at most.

Living in such a small town my entire life, I didn't have many experiences until I was old enough to go out of town on my own. When I was 16, like any average teenager, I got my license and my first car. In other words, I earned my freedom. I'd go to Columbus multiple times a year just to hang out or catch a concert in a pub. When I gained my freedom, I also gained weird experiences. 

My first experience with a weirdo, I had no idea it would happen, but alas, I became a magnet for weirdos and awkward situations. 

I was 16 years old and it was one of my first times in Columbus without any parents or adults.  I was at Newport Music Hall on High Street for a concert with friends and Ohio State (GO BUCKS!) was playing a home game against Indiana, so of course Columbus was packed with Buckeye fans. One necessary thing for readers to know is this: an Ohio State game day, especially a home game, is like a full moon- all the crazies come out. 

Anyway, I was at the music hall waiting for the doors to open and my older sister called to ask me if I could give her and her husband a ride to where their car was towed to while they were tailgating. Being a fanTAStic sister, I told them I'd meet them about halfway down High Street.

As I'm waiting down the street, an older man walks up to me. He looked to be in his 60s with a salt and pepper beard. He was wearing a raggedy old tshirt and khakis that were stained so badly that they were more of a deep brown. His hat has a marijuana leaf on it with the words "dont worry, be happy" and he reeked of marijuana and whiskey.

As he stumbled up to me, he slurred "hey there sweetie, what's your name?" In a bit of a panic I told him the first name that came to my mind.
"My name is Susan."
"Well, Susan, has anybody ever told you that you're bubbalicious?"
"Excuse me?"
"You're bubbalicious, baby! They're just jealous. They're all jealous."

Then he started to walk away but made sure to turn around, stare me in the the eye, and yell at the top of his lungs and snap his fingers "YOU'RE BUBBALICIOUS, BABY! THEY JUST DON' KNOW!"

This started my unfortunate attraction to awkward situations.

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